Introduction

Parents and families play one of the most significant roles in shaping a child’s emotional,
social, and psychological development. Every parent hopes their child will grow up feeling
safe, happy, confident, and successful. However, despite the best intentions, certain parenting
practices may unintentionally contribute to the development of anxiety in children.

Anxiety is a normal emotional response that all children experience in certain situations,
such as starting a new school, appearing for an examination, or participating in competitions.
These temporary feelings of worry are a natural part of development. However, when anxiety
becomes persistent and begins to interfere with a child’s academic performance, relationships,
self-confidence, and daily functioning, it deserves careful attention.

Psychological research indicates that children primarily learn how to understand emotions,
cope with stress, and solve problems through their interactions with parents and caregivers.
Parenting practices can therefore either strengthen children’s emotional resilience or, in some
circumstances, unintentionally reinforce anxiety.

1. Overprotection: When Protecting a Child Reduces Their Confidence

Every parent naturally wants to protect their child from harm. However, when parents solve
every problem on behalf of their child or prevent them from facing age-appropriate
challenges, children may gradually develop an unhealthy belief:

“I cannot manage things on my own.”

Confidence develops when children are allowed to face manageable challenges, make mistakes,
and learn from their experiences. If parents consistently remove every obstacle, children may
begin to doubt their own abilities.

Possible consequences

• Fear of trying new experiences
• Low self-confidence
• Excessive dependence on parents
• Anxiety over minor challenges
• Fear of failure

What parents can do instead

• Encourage age-appropriate responsibilities.
• Avoid intervening immediately in every situation.
• Appreciate effort rather than perfection.
• Help children understand that mistakes are part of learning.

Example

❌ “You can’t do it. I’ll do it for you.”

✔️ “Why don’t you try first? I’ll be here if you need my help.”

2. Constant Comparison with Others

“Look at your cousin’s marks.”
“Your sister studies much better than you.”
“Why can’t you be like your friend?”

Many parents use comparisons believing they will motivate their children. However, research
suggests that repeated comparison can negatively affect a child’s self-esteem.

Children may gradually begin to judge their own worth based on how they perform compared
to others rather than focusing on their own growth.

Possible consequences

• Low self-esteem
• Fear of failure
• Performance anxiety
• Jealousy
• Poor self-worth

A healthier approach

• Compare children with their own previous progress rather than with others.
• Recognize each child’s unique strengths.
• Praise effort, persistence, and improvement instead of only achievements.

Example

❌ “Your friend came first in class.”

✔️ “You’ve worked much harder this time than before. I’m proud of the effort you made.”

3. Unrealistic Expectations

Every parent has dreams and aspirations for their child. However, when expectations
consistently exceed the child’s abilities, developmental stage, or interests, they can become
a source of stress.

Expecting children to secure the highest grades, excel in every activity, or never make
mistakes may create the belief:

“I have to be perfect.”

Over time, this pressure may contribute to anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of failure.

Parents can help by

• Setting realistic and achievable expectations.
• Valuing the learning process more than the outcome.
• Teaching children that mistakes are a natural part of growth.

Example

❌ “Why didn’t you get full marks?”

✔️ “What did you learn from this exam? How can I support you next time?”

4. Emotional Invalidation

Children experience emotions just as deeply as adults. Sometimes, without realizing it, adults
may dismiss these emotions through statements such as:

• “Stop crying.”
• “It’s not a big deal.”
• “You’re overreacting.”

Although these responses are often intended to comfort, they may discourage children from
expressing their feelings. Over time, children may struggle to identify, communicate, or
regulate their emotions effectively.

A better response

✔️ “I can see that you’re feeling upset.”

✔️ “Let’s talk about what happened.”

Validating a child’s emotions does not mean approving every behaviour. It means acknowledging
that their feelings are real and worthy of understanding.

5. Inconsistent Discipline

Children feel emotionally secure when family rules are clear and consistent.

If a behaviour is ignored one day but punished the next, children may become confused about
what is expected of them. Such unpredictability can increase anxiety because children are
uncertain about how adults will respond.

Parents can promote consistency by

• Establishing clear family rules.
• Applying rules fairly and consistently.
• Praising positive behaviour more frequently than punishing mistakes.
• Ensuring that both parents communicate similar expectations.

Remember…

The goal of parenting is not to be perfect. Rather, it is to create an environment where
children feel safe, loved, understood, and accepted.

Children develop confidence not because they never experience failure, but because they know
someone will support them through difficult times.

Warmth, realistic expectations, emotional validation, consistent discipline, and opportunities
for independence are among the strongest protective factors for children’s mental health.

When Should Parents Seek Professional Help?

Professional consultation with a clinical psychologist, counselling psychologist, or child
mental health professional is recommended if a child’s anxiety:

• Persists over an extended period.
• Interferes with academic performance or social relationships.
• Causes changes in sleep or eating patterns.
• Leads to avoidance of routine activities.
• Significantly affects daily functioning.

Early identification and timely intervention can improve emotional well-being and help
children develop healthy coping skills.

References

• American Academy of Pediatrics. (2021). Mental health competencies for pediatric practice.
• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.
• Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
• Ginsburg, G. S., Drake, K. L., Tein, J.-Y., Teetsel, R., & Riddle, M. A. (2015). Preventing onset of anxiety disorders in offspring of anxious parents: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA Psychiatry, 72(12), 1207–1214.
• World Health Organization. (2022). World mental health report: Transforming mental health for all. World Health Organization.